I'm angry, not at him but because I let my guard down knowing what I was getting into. I knew what he was since day 1. I knew he was lying about it all, but I decided to keep going because I thought maybe he wasn't lying about how he felt about me. Maybe I could change him, regardless of the bullshit he did. Maybe he was one of those guys, that every girl hopes for, but never meets. But see, the things I hated about him were the things that made me want to be with him. I was chasing him hoping for a change, not realizing I was running in circles. I wanted change, but I didn't want to change myself. I held on grudges from the past and used the same failed techniques for my future. Playing Miss Inspector Gadget, knowing I'd find the worst. But see, I thought finding out the truth about everything would save me heartache.
"no one will give you the truth all the time. If they did, the time youd be spending trying to figure out the truth with someone else youd be spending trying to figure out if they really love you" - Raven
I'm hurt. I have that feeling in my chest: you know, the kind that feels like every breath hurts more than the last and if you stop breathing it feels like it's going to explode. I didn't think it was possible for that to happen again. I know I'll get over it, I've been down this road before I just didn't think I'd be back here. I've learned from this, as I do with every experience. I didn't think I could ever love someone again, and I did. I didn't want to let go the way it did, but I'm hurting and maybe I need time to work on me.
"shes heard so many lies; she don't know whats true or not."-Lil' Wayne
Tinyy Smalls (11:04:39 PM) : hes lying about things he doesnt want to hurt you..
Tinyy Smalls (11:05:00 PM) : we dont need to know everything nana.. we've had this discussion before.. i told you KNOWING everything is NOT what you want.
Tinyy Smalls (11:05:27 PM) : NO ONE IS PERFECT.. when you look for dirt your going to find it..
Tinyy Smalls (11:05:48 PM) : concentrate on whats infront of your face not whats behind it
Tinyy SmallsThis feels like a bad dream. I want to wake up already.
7 comments:
tiny smalls speaks true words, perfection isn't real... but don't do garbage can searches, "go outta yo way looking for dirt? you'll eventually find it"
curiosity does kill the cat, and in a way we all are cats instinctively .. I think its human nature for us to search for things we dont want to find, & I think when you start looking for things youre bound to find what you were looking for if that makes any sense at all. like raven said nobody's perfect, we all have our skeletons and we all have something to hide.. if people are doing shit they're not supposed to, its eventually going to come out. trying to save yourself the heartache is only gonna cause problems for yourself.. I'm guilty of this myself lol that feeling is gonna go away, you've been through this once and it can only go uphill.. so smile :)
The whole "keep looking, you're bound to find it" thing is so true. Think about it. You accuse someone of cheating, you have no proof but your suspicions are there. They get stronger w| every little insignificant thing it can find, it's like a fire gasping for air. He's getting mad because he's not really cheating. But he might have been flirting ... and now the way you're acting around him has changed. You're always anxious, naggy, asking unnecessary questions, and now you're indirectly driving him away. Sooner or later, you'll find out about some girl he was chilling w| and was quote on quote flirting, touchy touchy with in public. Now you're mad, because you think you're right. But think about it, if you never suspected, if you never dug up for things that were never buried, you never would have acted differently, never would have pushed him away.
Not that this is your case, this is just me reminiscing on one of my past experiences. It's like that book: The Secret "... thoughts become things..." If you truly want something, whether its a big fat check from school, or its finding out if your spouse is cheating, you WILL get these things. Just because of all the thought and effort we put into looking for things, we get that much back. Without knowing if it was ever there before we started looking.
Annoying, I know.
Soooo, lets try manifesting our POSITIVE thoughts next time ;]
This actually makes me sad, and a lot that you said reminds me of me, and my way of thinking. Don't even know what to say :/
This has happened to me various times. Its difficult to go through something like this. But its like everyone said, if your trynna look for negatives you're bound to see MANY of them. Your job is to see if you want to come forth and tell him you know or not. People lie all the time, i know exactly how you feel, its really hard to put into words. The best thing to do in these type of situation is to confront the problem even though if might seem difficult, cus in the long run it will affect you, secrets can haunt one forever, as they are haunting me. I hope you feel better, try to get your mind off negative things <3
I'm feeling Tiny Smalls
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