The Truth is, The Truth Hurts.

This probably won't make sense, so bare with me.

I'm angry, not at him but because I let my guard down knowing what I was getting into. I knew what he was since day 1. I knew he was lying about it all, but I decided to keep going because I thought maybe he wasn't lying about how he felt about me. Maybe I could change him, regardless of the bullshit he did. Maybe he was one of those guys, that every girl hopes for, but never meets. But see, the things I hated about him were the things that made me want to be with him. I was chasing him hoping for a change, not realizing I was running in circles. I wanted change, but I didn't want to change myself. I held on grudges from the past and used the same failed techniques for my future. Playing Miss Inspector Gadget, knowing I'd find the worst. But see, I thought finding out the truth about everything would save me heartache.

"no one will give you the truth all the time. If they did, the time youd be spending trying to figure out the truth with someone else youd be spending trying to figure out if they really love you" - Raven

I'm hurt. I have that feeling in my chest: you know, the kind that feels like every breath hurts more than the last and if you stop breathing it feels like it's going to explode. I didn't think it was possible for that to happen again. I know I'll get over it, I've been down this road before I just didn't think I'd be back here. I've learned from this, as I do with every experience. I didn't think I could ever love someone again, and I did. I didn't want to let go the way it did, but I'm hurting and maybe I need time to work on me.

"shes heard so many lies; she don't know whats true or not."-Lil' Wayne

Tinyy Smalls (11:04:39 PM): hes lying about things he doesnt want to hurt you..

Tinyy Smalls (11:05:00 PM): we dont need to know everything nana.. we've had this discussion before.. i told you KNOWING everything is NOT what you want.

Tinyy Smalls (11:05:27 PM): NO ONE IS PERFECT.. when you look for dirt your going to find it..

Tinyy Smalls (11:05:48 PM): concentrate on whats infront of your face not whats behind it

Tinyy Smalls (11:06:35 PM): its not the future.. its whats infront of your face.. whats going on presently



This feels like a bad dream. I want to wake up already.

Skin Bleaching

Pretty disturbing, I first heard about this on the Tyra Show. Now it's everywhere, people need to be happy with the skin they were born in. White, Black, Brown, Yellow etc. etc.Diversity is what makes us beautiful, why is a whiter tone of skin more beautiful? The media needs to start portraying all the beauty in the world. Real women, not silicon, weaves and tons of makeup. That world is tainted.

There's nothing like...

Loving yourself, before anyone else. I'm not saying there isn't room to love others but, I can't explain the satisfaction knowing that I'm comfortable in my own skin. It isn't the easiest thing in the world at times and sometimes I feel I am my worst enemy, the biggest critic, Satan in the fucking flesh. But then there are times when I realize what I've been through and what I've sacrificed in order to become the person I am today and it makes me smile. I may not have everything in the world but I love myself and that's more than enough.

Scenic Shots

95.1 HYPE RADIO

So, I landed myself an internship with 95.1 Hype Radio an underground radio station. I'll be the gossip girl, make sure you check me out this Thursday @9pm at www.hyperadiofm.com

What We Don't See, Won't Hurt Us

Why do we feel the need to see the things that we know will hurt us? I've been thinking about that lately, I'm good at the whole C.I.A inspector gadget type bullshit but honestly it's gets tiring. Your mind runs a mile a minute, you loose sleep, you loose trust and all for the things that make you cringe. I'm starting to forget why I got into a relationship in the first place. I was never a relationship kind of person. If I wanted to put someones life under a microscope it should've been mine. I forgot that the things I hated about him were the things that made me want to be with him. I hate wondering but What We Don't See, Won't Hurt Us right?

In Need of A Photographer

To Build my portfolio as well as yours.
If interested, Let me know by commenting me with contact information.

Bad Dreams

You ever had a dream so bad you woke up shaking? It's only happened a few times that I remember but it literally fucked up my entire day. My muscles are sore from something that was all in my mind. You know the kind of dreams were you forget that it's just a dream and you wake up mad at someone for something that never happened. Frustrating.

L.A.X

I was never a big fan of The Game, but I listened to his new album and I must say I'm impressed.

Obama '08

This had me teary eyed. Especially when he touched the topic of affording college. I think it is time for change. "We Don't need four more of the last eight years"


OBAAAAAAAAAAAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Never Ending Story

I know you've heard it before, "people don't change unless they want to change". It's the damn truth, I have to come to terms with that. No matter how loud you yell, how many times you threaten to break up with someone, no matter how many times they say they're going to change. The fact is your mouth isn't strong enough to make them move. If someone keeps constantly doing the same shit, it should be a sign for most to leave...but it's not for me. And that's my problem.

I've changed my life, at first I thought it was for the better. No more drugs and liquor to stir my mind away from reality. But I've become someone I used to be. Someone I thought would never come back. The girl who has everything going for her but can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can't blame anyone but myself. I've pushed my friends away, I don't even know who they are anymore. The last of their words strike me like a flame, a constant reminder that I fucked up.

It's hard for me to even write this. I'm fighting the truth with what I want it to be, and not taking it for what it is. I'll get back to you on this one.

What Happened To Acting Like A Lady?

I'm tired of females saying they don't associate with other females. Posting things like "Fuck Bitches" BITCH, you are a BITCH. Women need to stop the negativity towards other females. I had my moment, It's not easy to have female relationships but it's not impossible you just need to associate with the right people. Not these childish females, trying to feed off who the next person they are going to "wash". Men are just as grimy as females. So for a female to say they only associate with guys, is stupid. For females to bring other females down, thats a fucking joke. Don't you realize that there are a shitload of men who love to do just that. (I'm not down talking men either). You expect to live your lives around males forever? Your not one, and acting like a male is not cute nor a better way to live or act. What ever happened to just acting like a lady? Females trying to grab their crotch in pictures when theres no dick there or talk about snuffing guys, GOD!

ACT LIKE A LADY, YOUR NOT A MAN.

"Are You Fucking Kidding Me?"

This disgusts me. How can someone say Hitler was a great man who did great things. Hitler wanted to exterminate practically EVERYONE, including black people. He was a racist and hypocrite, like the man in the video. One of the most ignorant things I've watched in a while.

How stupid is this man?

Celibacy

I'm tired of sex, Honestly it complicates everything. I had previously stopped having sex for a while because I was misconstruing love with the physical aspect of sex. Having sex with someone doesn't mean you love them more or less. I'm tired of sex, don't get me wrong...it's fun, you catch a great feeling for the time. But what do I gain after sex? Not a damn thing. If anything sex won't bring me closer to a person. It doesn't separate any of my relationships past or present. I need more than pelvis to pelvis. Something that will make an impact and really make me feel because sex has made me numb.

So I plan to start my celibacy again.

Friend or Foe

People are your friends when liquor and drugs are around. Or when they want to party, but honestly how many people can you really call your friends once the high is down? How many friends are willing to accept change for the better? I can't deal with people bringing me down verbally or in situations that aren't "me" anymore. I know what's best for me and its not the bud or the hoes anymore, that worlds tainted and I'm done with that.

Lieing Part 1

I hate it when people lie in general, I give props to the person who tells me shit that I don't want to hear. Not the person who lies about what color draws they had on this morning.

Temptation is Tempting?

Theres nothing better than not giving into temptation. Especially when your in a relationship. I was talking to my homeboy yesterday. He was like "You know, Since I've been in a relationship girls are throwin' the pussy at me all of a sudden". Isn't that the truth though? When your single no one wants you, when your in a relationship suddenly your everyone's new found attraction. It's sad, but in my opinion knowing that your a faithful person is a lot better than the feeling after you cheat.

Cookie Jar

Never was a real big fan of Gym Class Heroes but this song is very interesting.

Keep The Past In The Past

I always told myself I'd never put myself in a situation similar to what I was in 2 years ago. The other night I did. I faced someone who I thought I'd never see again in my life. Someone who put me through too much pain at such a young age. I knew what I was doing. I don't know why I felt the need to fuck with fate. I had no business going back there and I did. The bruises faded, but it seems the scars are still a part of me. I don't know why, my life seems perfect. My current boyfriend treats me better than he did on his worst day but I find myself still hurting, screaming on the inside and no one bothers to give a fuck. So why do I? I'm trying to love someone and I don't know how because of him... because back then love was a lie, so how can I find truth? I have no trust in anyone. But I need to learn how to keep the past in the past or how else am I going to build a future?

"I love you more than yesterday"

I hate that saying. It's supposed to make you feel like your growing a stronger connection with the other person. But in my opinion it only makes me wonder about yesterday and the day before.
How much more do you love me than yesterday? And what about today? Should tomorrow be any different. I think when you love someone, you love them. It shouldn't be more or less than that.